


A Capital Ship

by alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Crack, Gen, but it makes me laugh, by Dacia, seriously, the crackiest crack to ever crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 04:10:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13696584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist/pseuds/alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist
Summary: by Dacia, ** a little piece of gundam wing** archivist extraordinaire ^_~--Heero: I have my doubts about this.Trowa: You just don't like boats.Heero: It feels like we're rocking. Do you feel that rocking?Quatre: Heero -- it's a boat. It's supposed to rock.Heero: Where's a Gundam when you need one...





	A Capital Ship

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017.
> 
> Warnings: *severe* corniness. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS FIC!!! Gomen. ^_^
> 
> Notes: This is based on a children's song called (what else) 'A Capital ship' by Charles Edward Carryl. I used to sing this with my mum when I was a tiny tot and we were driving cross country...
> 
> // lyrics //

_// A capital ship for an ocean trip //_  
_// Was the "Walloping Window Blind" //_  
  
Heero: I have my doubts about this.  
Trowa: You just don't like boats.  
Heero: It feels like we're rocking. Do you feel that rocking?  
Quatre: Heero _\--_ it's a boat. It's _supposed_ to rock.  
Heero: Where's a Gundam when you need one...  
_  
// No wind that blew dismayed her crew //_  
  
Wufei: Where'd that wind come from?  
Quatre: And those clouds...  
Duo: It was so _nice_ a minute ago.  
Trowa: We're not supposed to mind, anyways.  
(The boat sways ominously as the storm approaches.)  
Heero: Ok. More rocking. Are we still all good with this rocking business?  
  
_// Or troubled the captain's mind //_  
  
Quatre: See, Heero? You're not troubled at all.  
Heero: (Is too busy clinging to the mizzen mast to reply.)  
Wufei. Right. Just another walk in the park.  
Trowa: *snickers* A roll in the hay...  
Quatre: After all, it's not the size of the boat...  
Trowa  & Quatre: It's the motion of the ocean!  
_  
// The man at the wheel was made to feel //  
// Contempt for the wildest blow-ow-ow //_  
  
Wufei: I have to admit _\--_ Maxwell's not doing all that bad a job...  
Heero: _Duo's_ steering this thing??!  
Trowa: Where else could he be?  
Heero: (Suddenly finding religion, although not enough for the narrator to capitalize 'god'.) May god have mercy on our souls.  
  
_// Tho' it often appeared when the weather had cleared //_  
  
(Sun suddenly breaks through the clouds which themselves vanish in the next instant.)  
Quatre: Well. I never...  
  
_// That he'd been in his bunk below //_  
  
Duo: (Sticks his head up from below deck.) Oi. Did I miss anything?  
  
(Chorus)  
_// So, blow ye winds, heigh-ho //  
// A-sailing we will go //  
// I'll stay no more on England's shore //  
// So let the music play-ay-ay //  
// I'm off for the morning train //  
// To cross the raging main //  
// I'm off to my love with a boxing glove //  
// 10,000 miles away //  
  
// The bos'un's mate was very sedate //_  
  
Duo: The bos'un's mate? What the frigging hell is a bos'un's mate??  
Wufei: I haven't a clue, Maxwell, but calm down!  
Duo: Calm down? _Calm down_?! How can I be a bos'un's mate if I have no idea what one is?  
Quatre: Whatever he is, he's supposed to be sedate, so you might as well just...sit over there and _relax_  
Duo: Nu-uh, Kat. I don't think so.  
Wufei: You're just being difficult on purpose, Maxwell.  
Duo: Au contraire, mon frere. What about the next line?  
Trowa, Wufei, Heero  & Quatre: The next line?  
Duo: Wait for it...  
_  
// Yet fond of amusement too //_  
  
Trowa, Wufei, Heero  & Quatre: *groan*  
Duo: Heh, heh.  
  
_// He played hop-scotch with the starboard watch //_  
  
Trowa: Hop-scotch? What, pray tell, is hop-scotch?  
Duo: You never played hop-scotch? _Mein gott_ , Tro-chan. What am I going to do with you?  
~20 minutes later~  
Trowa: ... and then you throw the stone...  
Duo: ...onto a number.  
Quatre: ...and hop to it.  
Wufei: ...on one foot.  
Trowa: (Considers this for a minute.) I don't _think_ so.  
  
_// While the captain tickled the crew //_  
  
Heero: (Pins Duo down and tickles him mercilessly.)  
Duo: (Laughing so hard his eyes are tearing.) The...whole crew, Heero...The... _whole_... crew...  
Heero: (Grins wickedly) I have to start somewhere.  
  
_// The gunner we was apparently mad //  
_  
Wufei: Is that mad as in insane, or mad as in angry?  
Quatre: Does it really matter?  
Wufei: I'm just trying to get into the part.  
  
_// For he sat on the after ra-ra-rail //_  
  
All: *blink*  
Wufei: I don't want to know...  
Trowa: Me, neither.  
Duo: Why don't you just sit on this chair.  
Wufei: Good idea.  
  
_// And fired salutes with the captain's boots //  
// In the teeth of a booming gale //_  
  
Heero: (Is pinned down by pilots 02-05 as they try to remove his boots). But that's just silly...  
Duo: (Manages to sneaking a few tickles while he's at it). Consider it payback, o captain my captain.  
Quatre: Where's you team spirit?  
Heero: (Manages a particularly violent swipe and knocks Wufei backwards.)  
Wufei: Injustice!  
  
(Chorus)  
_// So, blow ye winds, heigh-ho //  
// A-sailing we will go //  
// I'll stay no more on England's shore //  
// So let the music play-ay-ay //  
// I'm off for the morning train //  
// To cross the raging main //  
// I'm off to my love with a boxing glove //  
// 10,000 miles away //  
  
// The captain sat on the commodore's hat //_  
  
Quatre: Awww! How kawaii!  
Duo: Quick! Get a camera! ... *snap* ....  
Trowa: Why do you need a picture of Heero sitting on the commodore's hat?  
Duo: Heh, heh. I'm using these as next year's christmas cards.  
_  
// And dined in a royal way //  
// Off pickles  & figs & little roast pigs //_  
  
Wufei: My god! And I thought _Duo_ could put it away.  
Duo: I've never seen Heero eat so much in my life!  
Quatre: Maybe that's cuz you don't feed him pickles  & figs & little roast pigs...  
Duo: *snorts* Would you really trust me to roast a pig?  
  
_// And gummery bread each day //_  
  
Trowa: Gummery bread? [1]  
Wufei: What the heck is gummery bread?  
Quatre : And why is it so ... sticky?  
Duo: Well... The recipe called for cream and we didn't _have_ any cream, so I had to...improvise...  
Trowa: Improvise...  
Duo: (Employs graphic hand gestures to show just what it is he improvised with.)  
Wufei: That's disgusting!  
Quatre: You can _cook_ with that?? ['[Oatmeal Cream Pie](http://members.nbci.com/riouka/jesschan5.html)' anyone?] [2]  
  
_// The cook was Dutch and behaved as such //  
// For the diet he served the crew-ew-ew //  
// Was a couple of tons of hot-cross buns //  
// Served up with sugar ... //_  
  
Duo: Mmmmm!  
  
_// ... and glue //  
_  
Duo: (No longer able to open his jaws.) MMMMMMM!!!!  
Heero: At least that will shut him up for a while.  
  
(Chorus)  
_// So, blow ye winds, heigh-ho //  
// A-sailing we will go //  
// I'll stay no more on England's shore //  
// So let the music play-ay-ay //  
// I'm off for the morning train //  
// To cross the raging main //  
// I'm off to my love with a boxing glove //  
// 10,000 miles away //  
  
// Then we all fell ill as mariners will //  
// On a diet that's rough and crude //  
// And we shivered and shook as we dipped the cook //  
// In a tub of his gluesome food //_  
  
Duo: (In lieu of that whole aforementioned "dipping" experience, he gives the nameless, faceless cook a cursory shove overboard as he looks quizzically at the love of his life.) What _is_ he doing?  
Trowa: He's taking his shirt off...  
Quatre: ...and twisting it around his head...  
Wufei: ...swinging it like a helicopter.  
Duo: Ok. Just so we're all in agreement here. [3]  
_  
// All nautical pride we cast aside //  
// And we ran the vessel asho-o-ore //_  
  
Heero: Thank god almighty in heaven!!  
_  
// On the Gulliby Isles where the poopoo smiles //  
// And the rubbily ubdugs roar //_  
  
Duo: What the heck is _that_??!  
Wufei: I think it's a rubbily ubdug...  
Trowa: Oh my GOD!!  
Quatre: RUN!!  
  
(Chorus)  
_// So, blow ye winds, heigh-ho //  
// A-sailing we will go //  
// I'll stay no more on England's shore //  
// So let the music play-ay-ay //  
// I'm off for the morning train //  
// To cross the raging main //  
// I'm off to my love with a boxing glove //  
// 10,000 miles away //  
  
// Composed of sand was that favored land //_  
  
Trowa: Hurry up, angel! It's right on your heels!!  
Quatre: I'm running as fast as I can!  
Duo: Who knew a rubbily ubdug would be so _agile_.  
Heero: I'm just waiting to get to the 'favoured land' part.  
_  
// And trimmed with cinnamon straws //_  
  
Heero: (Grabs a handy cinnamon straw and successfully fends off the wily rubbily ubdug.)  
Trowa: (Panting with his hands on his waist.) Thank god!  
Duo: These cinnamon straws are pretty tasty...  
_  
// And pink and blue was the pleasing hue //  
// Of the tickle-toe teaser's claws //_  
  
Duo: (Submitting to the tickle-toe teaser.) My _god_...I think I'm in heaven...  
_  
// We sat on the edge of a sandy ledge //  
// And shot at the whistling bee-ee-ee //_  
  
Heero: (Takes aim with his handy revolver and picks off yet another helpless whistling bee whilst laughing maniacally.)  
Quatre: I don't understand. Where did he get the gun?  
Wufei, Duo and Trowa: .....  
Quatre: Oh. It's that 'spandex space' thing again, isn't it...  
_  
// While the rugabug bats wore waterproof hats //  
// As they dipped in the shining sea //_  
  
Trowa: Why do they need waterproof hats?  
Duo: Silly. To keep their hair dry!  
  
(Chorus)  
_// So, blow ye winds, heigh-ho //  
// A-sailing we will go //  
// I'll stay no more on England's shore //  
// So let the music play-ay-ay //  
// I'm off for the morning train //  
// To cross the raging main //  
// I'm off to my love with a boxing glove //  
// 10,000 miles away //  
  
// On rugabug bark from dawn till dark //  
// We dined till we all had grown //  
// Uncommonly shrunk... //_  
  
Quatre: Come and get it!  
Heero: What is _that_?  
Quatre: It's Rugabug Bark Surprise!  
Duo: (Pokes at it with a stick.) That looks disgusting! Are we supposed to _eat_ this?  
Quatre: It'll be delicious, trust me...  
Trowa: Isn't that what we had for lunch?  
Quatre: (Shakes his pretty blonde head with a sigh.) Not you, too, pet. Besides, that was Rugabug Bark _Souffle_.  
_  
// ...when a Chinese junk //  
// Came up from the Torrible Zone //_  
  
Wufei: From the _where_?  
  
_// She was stubby and square, but we didn't much care //_  
  
Duo: But she's stubby...  
Quatre: And square...  
Heero: I don't really much care. Trowa?  
Trowa: Couldn't give a damn.  
_  
// So we merrily put to sea-ea-ea //_  
  
Heero: Another goddamnfriggin' boat...  
Duo: Whaddya mean, I can't take the tickle-toe teaser?  
_  
// And we left all the crew of the junk to chew //_ _  
// On the bark of the rubabug tree //_  
  
Treize, Une and Noin: Hey!  
Zechs: (Crouches by Quatre's leftover Rugabug Bark Surprise and pokes it with a stick.) What _is_ this stuff?  
  
(Chorus) _\--_ Everybody, now!  
_// So, blow ye winds, heigh-ho //  
// A-sailing we will go //  
// I'll stay no more on England's shore //  
// So let the music play-ay-ay //  
// I'm off for the morning train //  
// To cross the raging main //  
// I'm off to my love with a boxing glove //  
// 10,000 miles away //_  
  
end ^__^

**Author's Note:**

> [1] It's actually "gunnery" bread, but, hey, I was a little kid and it sure sounded like "gummery" at the time... Besides, I don't know what "gunnery bread" is, either.  
> [2] This bit alludes to a fic by JessChan... (Thank you, Ruby, for helping me find it!!!) If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, you're just not hentai enough. *grin*  
> [3] This only makes sense when you are aware of two things... #1 -- I had no idea what else to put here and #2 -- for some reason that I can't fathom, I simply love Petey Pablo's "Raise Up". *shrug*


End file.
